I grew up with a sour taste for weddings. Some aspects I still acknowledge. I think it's too much pressure on people. I think it has been tapped by advertising and now focuses on many of the wrong aspects. It promotes debt. But growing up the real problem I had with weddings (a realization I can only have now in hindsight) is that I didn't love any of the people whose weddings I attended. Not real love. Not vested love. I went because my parents went. Or because I was expected to go. It wasn't until I started attending weddings where I had an emotional connection to the events at the front of the isle did weddings change for me. It's made all the difference.
This last weekend Z and I went to our friend Clare and Gavin's weddings. We felt especially honored to be invited because it was a small guest list and we aren't part of their inner circle. But we've always sort of adored this couple. We've always known we'd be good friends if we lived in the same city. (They must feel this too.) Seeing the two of them stand up there and in their perfect way explain how a ring comes to be, I just wanted to cry in happiness. Hearing the officiant talk about marriage and community I wanted to yell out loud my commitment to their marriage. That even though our friendships were still young, I wanted to let them know that they could count on either Z or I however they needed as they start their lives and a family together.
At weddings, communities are born. It's where we commit ourselves to the family we choose. We will be what they need when they are prepared to ask for help and for when they are not. Community. I've felt that at just a handful of weddings now. (Hello!) Where you can feel your heart weaving with the other hearts in the room and all through love for these people saying their vows. It truly is incredible. Dancing (there was dancing) and cupcakes (there were awesome cupcakes) are all the delicious frosting. I walked away so happy for the couple and ecstatic for August when Z and I get to bring our community together. Can't. Wait.
You know, that makes sense, the lack of emotional connection . . . I just liked the pretty dress and the attention ;)
ReplyDeleteBut same side to the coin, now it makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE why I cry at the thought of you guys getting married. Its that emotional connection, that love. I honestly never thought feel this much love for non-blood relatives. Now I know its possible because of that sense of community and that emotional connection, which pretty much equals family to me.
I totally agree. David and I both talk about how important it is for a wedding to be the merging to families, and friends. It's a time for people to stand up and say "i'll be there for you, through think and thin." That's why saying vows in front of people you love is a beautiful thing.
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes! It's like every once and awhile my mind catches the truth of the wedding. It's why a wedding and a marriage are two separate things. Wholly connected, but separate.
ReplyDelete