On the Other Side of Crazy...for now :)

I thought because I'd never cared about having a wedding, I'd somehow be immune to the legendary crazy that takes over some brides. My friends probably knew better. I know Z knew better. It's been fascinating (in a perverse sort of way) to watch my own personal ebb and flow of the disease. A lot of it has been alone behind locked door but the last few days it's leaked out to those closest to me. And they've been a lot of help.

Here's what I need to do.
1. Except that some days I'm going to feel like a failure about the whole thing. And that's OK. I am a teeny tiny bit of a pessimist. It's as unreal an expectation as thinking my dress will be Vera Wang to think THAT trait will go away for the planning of this party. As long as I take my wallowing and kick it out after not too much time. I know that wallowing is part of my thinking process. It's like my ability to be reasonable just shuts down so that all subconscious energy can go into problem solving. When it reaches a solution, the wallowing shuts off. Reason comes back and I put away the box of cookies.

2. I have been a vegetarian for about 15 years now. A result of vegetarianism is that I no longer see meat on menus. It's as if as soon my brain reads "chicken" or "fish" it just stops computing anything else unless I override it. I'll skip to the next entree to see if it's something veggie. I need to learn to do this with wedding blogs. I love the blogs but if I see the bride wearing a $6,000 ring, I probably won't be doing any of her hired stylists' decor. But this is the tricky part because even while that's all true, I could still be inspired by what they do. I could still learn a lot by assessing and analyzing. I'd just need to think to think how those sauces would work with tofu and not foie gras.

3. Our wedding won't be a magazine/blog wedding. I'm starting to get tree envy. I'm sure later tree envy will be taken over by shoe envy or something equally as ridiculous. I've heard people mention brides that are obsessed with their pictures. I thought this meant something very different than I'm realizing it means. This is a whole entry unto itself so I won't say a whole lot more. But basically our venue won't be swept in luscious green lawns. It won't be many things. But it WILL be full of the people we love. And they will be drunk. And this idea makes me very very happy.

4. Seek out images from weddings that more resemble ours in cost. Eco/DIY is very in right now. But a lot of the weddings I'm seeing in that vein are still put on by a team of stylists. Which is almost worse for my brain because then I can see something that very much strikes a chord with me but is still probably out of reach financially and physically. Today however I ran into a wedding on the blogs that very much felt DIY/homemade. The pictures weren't perfect. It didn't seem put together by professionals. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't, but it just made me feel comfortable. And happy. Like here is this wedding that was obviously put on by inventive/crafty people and it felt very organic. It felt doable and lovely. I need to find more of those. Where? No idea. But at least now I have some idea of what I'm looking for.