Monday, August 10, 2009

Unreasonable Expectations vs Legitimate Wishes

One of the most dangerous things when planning a wedding is expectations. Others expectations. Your own expectations. The hard part is figuring out the difference between an expectation and simply something that's important to you and worth working hard for or maybe even fighting for.

I originally thought I wanted to invite everyone I've ever met to our wedding. But the more I think about weddings, the more I realize that all the other things I'd love to have at the day really is sort of small-wedding style*. It's really important to Z to invite everyone so now I'm not sure how to combine the two. Really it means that I may not be able to and because the people will be invited, well, the part that falls is the "everything else." But alas, you have to go forward to understand how you would have done something different way back there earlier on the path.

So our wedding will be large...for our budget anyway. It will be large for our venue. It will be large for a lot of things. But it won't be large when it comes to the people we want to share it with. I have to keep going back to that. Everyone may be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sitting in a giant field with no trees or chairs but that's what it's important right?

I mean, right?

I want to be that bride (hell that person) who is completely laid back and goes with the flow and just cool with some things getting kind of done. But how do you walk the line between wanting something to look and feel a certain way (b/c look and feel is an important part to who you are in life) and just being a push over to everyone else's opinions on the matter? How do you plan for something that pushes your abilities as a creator of things but then be OK with everyone sitting in a field eating crap?

And what is crap anyway? Why do weddings have to be expensive dinners?

So the last few days have all been pushing me back to the beginning. Back to the very beginning of planning this whole thing. I don't know if that's good or that's me resigning myself to what other people want of me. I don't even know how to gauge the difference.

*And clearly all of you who read this are on that "small wedding" guest list.


  1. Well, my original wedding plan was tacos, then my other wedding idea was pizza . . . I don't get why the dinners have to be SO FANCY either. For now, I'm sticking with tacos (veggie tacos too!)

    And I'm going to give some unsolicited advice and please ignore cuz I understand there is *also* a fine line between venting and finding solutions:

    Start over, prioritize.

    I'd say: Prioritize. Figure out what exactly it is you want from this wedding, and try to make sure this is an agreement you and zach have reached, not what other people think you should have. For example, when I thought of my wedding, I knew it would be cheap, so I decided the only things I'd pay an arm and a leg for was the cake and my dress. All other things were going to be on the cheap side. So now that you know its jelly sandwiches (can I please have a jelly one, I'm not big on PB) you can focus on getting/spending more money on say chairs, or say, table stuff.
    Second: Now that you've prioritized, start your idea over. I remember you mentioning that you were trying to stay very open, but realized you needed figure out a color palate just to narrow things down. So now that you've started over try to go from there and see if that helps. ANd always keep in mind, this is your and zach's wedding. It should feel how you want it, don't resign (that just sounds sad) but compromise. And now I'm done. Ignoring me can now begin ;)

  2. Hahaha. No thank you. And you are right. Maybe we'll upgrade to pizza. Too bad about having it in an ugly field. (<---ahk! This is just me being super negative again...back to my cave.)

  3. Us city folk will the think the field is eco chic and beautiful =)

  4. Hahahaha! We can pass out sunscreen and fans!

  5. I think your wedding will be beautiful no matter where you have it, and even if people's legs are indented with grass. Just seeing two people who love each other saying vows in front of their friends and family is a gift to be relished. I don't know (but can guess) that weddings can be so entirely overwhelming. Don't worry about your guests, worry about what is important to you and Zach. (easier said that done). And that grassy field is BEAUTIFUL.

  6. Thanks you guys! I hear jelly sandwiches and fields are all the rage in Weddings 2010!